dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
