even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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