Swine flu. Run for my life!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
