your parents love me but you hate me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
