I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
