I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
