just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
