Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
