so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
