Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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