3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
