I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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