I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found a bag of teeth...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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