my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
