She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
