Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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