In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
