So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
