You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
