I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
