I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
