So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
