i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
