Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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