Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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