I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize