I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
