I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
