Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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