Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had to cum in my sink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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