that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
