I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
