He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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