was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
