you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
