I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
