There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
