Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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