OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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