hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
