Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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