u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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