Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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