Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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