i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
