yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
