I can text with my tongue
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
