She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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