just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize