Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
