I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
