I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
