Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize