South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
