He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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