im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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