as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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