fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
