I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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