Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
