looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
