Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
