Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
