Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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