Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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