You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
