I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
