tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
