ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize