I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
ok first of all what the fuck
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
