just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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