Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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