Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
