did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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