I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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